Grief
Grief is necessary. It is a critical part of love. It cannot be separated from loss. If you are grieving it is because you loved so deeply. We want to move through grief quickly, untangling the hold it has upon us. But the more we try to bypass, the more entangled we become. Grief, like love, is an emotion. But it’s also a physical state that inhabits every cell within us. Moving through us at different rates and speeds. Sometimes resurfacing and reclaiming our souls. Occupying our mind and inhabiting our bones.
While we have good intentions, unhelpful things to say to someone in grief include:
“Let me know if you need anything” – just do things, offer, take action because grief is lonely enough.
“I understand” – because you can’t even if you’ve been through something similar – it’s never the same.
“They are in a better place” – just don’t say this, you don’t know the mindset of the bereaved.
“You will move on” or “You will get over this” or “This will make you stronger” – not helpful, clinches do not resonate during this time.
“You don’t need to think about “x” right now” – bereavement takes those in grief to many places of thought for good reason, and they may not have the luxury of not thinking about practical things.
These sort of statements are about managing our own discomfort with loss and grief. We don’t know how to handle someone’s pain. Just be there. Listen. Accept. Hold space. Embrace.
And most importantly, keep checking. Keep asking. Keep connected. Those in grief need as much love as you can offer.
You don’t get over the loss of a loved one. You just learn to live with it. Little by little, each day.
#grief #loss #death #emotions #sadness