Being in a relationship and not saying what your think, want, expect and need is like driving on a busy freeway and trying to changing lanes – without signalling.
Every time you try to move you get blocked. There are incidents and accidents. You keep struggling to get where you want to go. It’s an exercise in frustration and anger.
This is usually when we say the problem is with them, because they should know what we want. They should just let us in. But is that reasonable?
Research shows (very clearly) that the longer we are in a relationship the more confidence we have in believing we know exactly what the other person is thinking. And we are wrong. Not a little bit – a lot.
This leads to less communication and curiosity among partners. Who then start bumping into one another, because we stop shoulder checking and signalling.
The biases we have about our partner blinds and deafens us. We make up stories about them through our own lens. We are busy interpreting their moves without really checking in.
Relationships are high volume traffic routes with distinct patterns. Accidents happen. Mistakes get made. You have to merge. But you need to keep the basic rules of road at hand.
And remember, nobody benefits from flipping the bird. No matter how good it feels in the moment.
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