They told you it would get better.
They said, one day it will all make sense.
It will get easier.
It is all part of some plan.
Maybe it will be for the best.
And you tried to swallow those words like jagged pieces of glass hoping there might be some truth to it. Maybe the medicine wasn’t worse than the cure.
And then you spent a season so alone and in so much darkness you didn’t think you’d ever see the light again, almost willing it not to come because the pain was the last thing you had that reminded you of what you’d lost. And the others had to look away, they had to look forward into their next days and moves and decisions while you sat frozen, transfixed with the most profound awareness that the unimaginable had happened – and it had happened to you.
And then one day you realize you do not have to be grateful. You do not have to be grateful for the awfulness. For the hurt that was cast upon you unfairly. By the judgements of others who intended to hurt you. The unjust punishment of either fate, God or the universe. You accept that sometimes these terrible things happen and yes, sometimes it happens to us no matter how good we were and how much we worked to protect our fragile human selves.
And you don’t wake up and think how wonderful it was to have the pain that delivered you to some higher state. You just arrive. Somewhere. Broken and half of your weight but you arrive. In spite of it all. You just arrive and start looking forward. Because the worst has happened and you are still here.
The season of next has begun.
#therapy #recovery #growth #grief #mentalhealth #startingover #jobloss #selfcompassion #divorce #loss #resilience