Reposting / sharing the sage wisdom of @compassionateinquiry
In summary, trauma changes the nervous system, it puts it into defensive mode, and it programs your relationships. Someone once said to me, “My mother was murdered when I was 6 months old, and now I am always alone. I can’t enter into relationships.” If your mother is murdered when you were 6 months old, the message you got was that it was very painful to enter relationships, very painful to open up, because if you do, your heart’s going to be hurt. It’s adaptive then, to stay away from relationships. So trauma shapes the way we enter relationships. It narrows it. It means we are limited in our capacity to form positive, healthy relationships. We either stay away from people altogether, or we don’t listen to our gut feelings so we choose the wrong people to be with. Or we stay in situations that are no longer healthy. Or we keep generating drama from the trauma that interferes with the relationships. These things are lifelong events. They stay with us our whole lives, until we do some work on them.
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