Posted @withregram • @cjspennington The Calvary.
You are going through hard times. And you reach out to your “Calvary”. You know, those people who come at the ready to defend you and always have your back. Family or friends. They feel what you feel, couldn’t agree more, and validate your feelings. They cry with you. Elevate you. Save you. Tell you are “right” and the others are “wrong”.
But it doesn’t stop there….
The Calvary are people. With their own issues. Opinions. Experiences. Biases. Your pain, suffering, uncertainty is often made more, intensified, through good meaning support. Their fears become yours absorbed in a vulnerable state.
But what happens when you change your mind? Go back. End it for good. Stay. Reconsider their direction. Don’t take the advice?
Often the Calvary has more invested than just your best interest. Their advice is more about them than you.
Be cautious of the motivations of the Calvary. Be mindful that the good intentioned help may not actually help you in the end. Is the Calvary really the place to go for what you need? And when you get called upon to be the Calvary try being empathic and loving, hold back the judgement and check in on your own motivations. It’s not your life, after all.
We all need support and we all should offer it. But support that is healthy includes listening, openness, empathy. It doesn’t include judgement and unsolicited advice.
#empathy #support #counseling #therapy #therapist #selflove #judgementalpeople #bias #relationships #bccounsellor #seeacounselor #seeaprofessional